Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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