mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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