you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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