I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
