Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize