I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
