Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She's the barista slut.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
