Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
