Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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