First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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