she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
