her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
