Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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