You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
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It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
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I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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