He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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