did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
