how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
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i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
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Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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