I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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