He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I wish there were birth control emojis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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