U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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