i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
