I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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