i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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