She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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