I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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