I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize