I wish I could teleport
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize