I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
