Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
