no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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