I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You are the jesus of drinking
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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