im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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