I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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