I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize