WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
