Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
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I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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