Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize