There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
