I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize