I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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