Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i believe in u and ur pee
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
