I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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