I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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