If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
