is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
