We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
