so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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