Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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