Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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