Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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